Saying Goodbye Doesnt Exist
by JasnaKovac81
Summary: This is the story of a man named Luka Kovac. A man who had it all. A man that lost it all. His country, his family, his love…his life. A man who lost his soul, as well as all hope and all thoughts of finding love again. A man that was left alone, by one
1. Story Summary & Considerations

**Summary:**

This is the story of a man named Luka Kovac. A man who had it all. A man that lost it all. His country, his family, his love…his life. A man who lost his soul, as well as all hope and all thoughts of finding love again. A man that was left alone, by one single tragedy.

But what if he wasn't as alone as he apparently was? What if the help and comfort he needed so badly came from someone he could have never expected? What if he had one more chance? What if the story of his life still had more pages, yet to be written? What if love was there, waiting for him? What if his heart had a chance to be mended?

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**Disclaimer.** As much as I'd like to, I don't own ANYTHING !. This is something I just wanted to write and no money comes my way since the real and official writers of ER are so much better than I am :P. Also, I don't own ANY song that might appear during the fic :D.

**Timeline:** This story takes place approximately during season 8. Luka lost his family during the war in Vukobar, in 1991. He then came to America, got a job at County General. He looked for a new life, with someone new, and found Abby. They dated for a while and broke up.

**Considerations:** Ok, that summarizes it, but, I'd also like to say these things:

**First.** I'm assuming timelines. I'm assuming that Luka's son, Marko was 2 and his daughter Jasna was 4 when they passed away. So, by season 8, which aired according to my calculations in 2002, Luka's son would have been approximately 12 (going on 13).

**Second.** I'm not a doctor, at all, so I wont describe medical procedures much. If I make mistakes, please let me know, so I can correct them :D.

**Third.** I'm not an experienced writer so please bear with me and have a little patience :D.

**Fourth.** There will be some fantasy included in this fic. It's not purely fantasy, but some issues are. I promise all fantasy involved is justified though :D.

**Fifth.** I wont tie myself entirely to the happenings of the ER seasons. I'm making up lots of things and I may even mix events from different seasons in the fic. Again, all justified and to make the story itself better :D.

**Sixth. **The fic is not a Samka or Carby. I love Carter (I'm a big Noah Fan too) and I really like Sam's character. However, the fic's purpose is something else (I'm thinking Luby..eventually :D). Still, all fans are welcome to come and read :D. I will include Carter and Sam in the fic too :D:D, so everybody is welcome to come. I promise I'll try my best to make it worth your while :D

**Now, last, but not least**. Please read an review :D!!. I promise virtual Lukas and lots of cookies to those who do nodssaves a virtual Luka and a couple of cookies for herself, just in case she runs out of them :D :D!! Loves Luka


	2. Chapter I Heaven

Chapter I.- Heaven..

Paradise. The abode of righteous souls after death; heaven. The one place where all is perfect; where words like happiness, laughter, truthfulness, honesty, joy and fulfillment are engraved into every being in golden letters, and words like despair, grieving, abandonment, vengeance and sadness seem forgotten, non-existent. The one place that, deep down, everyone wants to go to. The one place that has been created in every mind a thousand times. The one place that no one knows and everybody wish they knew.

Marko Kovac, a young boy around 12 years old looked around his surroundings and sighed. Yes, paradise was apparently the best place to be. A place to be happy, where you could start over again and mend your mistakes. It was indeed wonderful, and he had his family (or part of it) in there. Still, he didn't feel entirely happy. He couldn't help it and no matter how hard he tried he was always invaded by the same feeling of uneasiness each time.

Everyone could have said that he had everything there, but the truth was that he didn't. The truth was that he lacked an important piece of his heart. His father.

He tried to think about that day. The day when it all happened. The day he and his family died and were brought to where they were now. He tried and tried to remember that day. To place the events as they had happened, but the only answer he got, was the same answer he always got each time he thought about that: Nothing. He tried again. Still nothing. He just couldn't remember that day. It was as if it had never happened. As if it had been removed or erased from the course of history. He closed his eyes in frustration. Yes, he couldn't remember anything, but that didn't mean it hadn't happened, because it had, and his family wasn't the same. His mother, sister and himself were now in heaven whilst his father remained alive. He knew and understood that. He understood why his father wasn't there with them. It hadn't been his time...and he had lived. But still, it wasn't fair that he couldn't remember. It wasn't fair that he couldn't remember and that he didn't know how his family had been separated. How the events of one day had altered their lives.

He took a deep breath and realized it was probably better to think of something else. Still, he couldn't think about anything else at the moment. His mind was overrun by thoughts and his soul by feelings. All blurred memories and intense feelings, of the times when his family was together. He closed his eyes in an attempt to relive a memory. Any memory. But all were hazy and unclear. No one was clear enough to be relived. He could only see images of his mother and father's faces over his crib. Smiling. Caressing his little face. Their voices singing and comforting him. But that was it. He could see nothing more.

Hi soul was almost emptied when he realized that those memories were all he had. It was all ironic and yet amazing, how a bunch of blurred memories could be so cherished and so powerful. He sighed. Yes, it was ironic, but it was better than not to have any memories at all. Better than not to have anything to hold on to.

What he had now really meant a lot to him, but it still wasn't enough to satisfy the inner need he felt he had to quench. The need to understand exactly what had happened to his family...and why. The need to understand the situation that had triggered all the changes he had lived and was still experiencing.

This didn't mean that he didn't like heaven, because he did. His mother and sister were there and they all had what they needed to be happy and comfortable. But it upset him that he didn't know anything about his father's life, or if he was ok. He wished so badly he knew, at least a little. At least some consoling news telling him that his father was alright and that he was happy.

But no one told him anything. Not a single word. It was frustrating. Older angels knew, he was sure, but not him. He was a young angel and young angels couldn't be involved with people from earth in any way. They couldn't have any type of contact and they couldn't help anyone of contact anyone from earth. It was unnerving! Outrageous! But true. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. Maybe it was time he resigned himself. He was in heaven and nothing would change that. Nothing that he could do was going to change that.

He took the time to stop thinking and looked at the blue sky surrounding him.. It was better to go back home to his mother and sister.


	3. Chapter II Breaking the Rules

Chapter II.- Breaking the Rules

Marko walked until he reached their small house. There was a small river that ran nearby. The house itself was made of bricks and stood by pastures so green that they seemed to come from a fairy tale. The flower covered garden could be seen in the front yard. The very view, could have made anyone want to stay in heaven forever. It was simply, perfect.

A tall, lean, brown- eyed woman with black hair was at the door. Marko's mother, Danijela. She greeted him with the biggest smile. He couldn't help but to smile back. "Hi Mom" he said "Hi sweetheart" Danijela said, taking her son in her arms as she kissed his temple. "Come and eat with us…we have visitors" she said. Marko nodded with a soft smile.

They went into the house and Marko noticed that two of the Supreme Guardian Angels were there. They were Peter and Gabriel. Peter was a copper skinned angel who looked in his forties. He wasn't very tall and had hazel eyes and brown hair. Gabriel, on the other hand, was a taller angel that looked in his fifties. He had white skin and the bright blue eyes that seemed to speak just by looking at them.

Marko greeted them politely. "Good afternoon, Master Peter, Master Gabriel" he said. "Hello, young fellow" said Peter, touching the top of Marko's head affectionately. "Hello young man" said Gabriel , also smiling. Marko smiled in response and proceeded to walk to where the table was set. His sister was already there. "Hi Jas" he said affectionately. "Hey little brother" Jasna answered, ruffling her brother's hair lightly. Marko could have almost rolled his eyes but kissed his sister's cheek instead. "Where were you?" asked Jasna once Marko was sited "I went for a walk...to explore a bit…" answered Marko. Jasna smiled "If you want to you can tell me next time you go and I'll go with you…" said Jasna. Marko nodded in response "Sure."

"Lunch is ready. Please let's be sited" requested Danijela to both Peter and Gabriel once she saw her son and daughter were ready. Danijela placed the food on the big wooden table and sat down. The Angels sat down as well and they all proceeded to eat.

The atmosphere itself was invaded by a sense of respect so everybody ate relatively in silence. This was not an unusual thing when you were surrounded by the presence of authorities like the Supreme Guardian Angels. They didn't often each lunch with the rest of the angels.

Jasna and Marko were now collecting their plates and had begun talking. Suddenly they heard Gabriel speak "Well young ones. I hope you enjoyed lunch. Now, we would like to talk to your mother. Alone please." said Gabriel to both Marko and Jasna as their meal came to an end. Marko and Jasna looked at each other and knew that they had to comply. "Sure…Please excuse us.." said Jasna as both her and Marko got out of the kitchen.

They had already passed the living room and Marko slowly stopped walking. "What's wrong?" asked Jasna. "I don't know Jasna. It's just that since I saw the Supreme angels here I couldn't help but think that something is not right. I have a bad feeling about all this." confessed Marko. Jasna, as always, tried to be reasonable. "I was a bit surprised myself. I don't know why they are here, but don't worry, we will find out in due time. Besides, it's probably nothing serious…." said Jasna. Marko didn't exactly agree. "Jasna, the Supreme Angels wouldn't come here for no reason. Something is up!". Jasna gave him a sympathetic smile "I know that, but we have to wait Marko. We can't go there and interfere. Those are the rules and we need to respect them. Young angels never get involved with these type of matters. That's the way it is." said Jasna. Marko shook his head "But it's not fair. They completely leave us out. It's like we are not important. As if we were unworthy of knowing the truth.." said Marko softly "It's not like that!" assured Jasna.

Marko looked at her sister, his eyes begging her to listen. Jasna could clearly see this "Look, I know how you feel, but we just need to be patient. I'm sure mom will tell us if something is wrong" she continued, trying to calm her brother. "She will tell us what she wants us to hear Jasna, don't you see?. What if something is wrong with dad? What if he needed help and we didn't even have a clue?" said a very worried Marko after a brief silence. "You know that heaven would never leave our father stranded. He would get help if he needed it. You know that" reasoned Jasna. "That's not enough. I want to know. I need to know if he is alright. If he is happy. Maybe you can settle for this, but I can't. I can't take it anymore. Something about dad has come up and I'm not going to stay here with my arms crossed. I'm going to listen to what they're saying.." said an exasperated Marko, who turned around to make his way back to where the kitchen was. "Marko...wait!!!" said Jasna, trying to stop her brother, but to no avail.

Jasna ran after her brother, but it was now too late. She didn't have any choice but to stop once she saw Marko by the kitchen's door. She sighed and decided it was best to leave him be. She turned around and walked away, having once last look at her brother.

Marko from his part, hadn't even noticed Jasna following him or calling him. His desire to know what was going on in the kitchen was far stronger than realizing what was around him at the moment. He slowly got closer and started listening.


	4. Chapter III An Unlikely Task

Chapter III. An unlikely task.

Gabriel took a second to think. Speaking to the families was never an easy task. There was a reason why he and Peter were there and they needed to fulfill their purpose, no matter how hard it was. However, after seeing Danijela, Marko and Jasna, Gabriel knew he had to find the right words to say to them. Once he found them, the words to say weren't easy words to speak. Still, he knew he had to let the words out. It was necessary. "Danijela, what we are about to say will not be easy for you or your children…." began Gabriel. "A few days ago we came around some information. Important information that you may not be aware of…" "What is it?.."asked Danijela in doubt, not knowing what it was about. Peter looked at Gabriel, as if looking for approval to speak. Gabriel nodded softly and Peter began speaking. "Danijela. It's about, Luka, your husband. I know you've always been looking after him, but there's something you don't know. Something that only the angels that are indirectly connected to Luka were able to see…" said Peter

Danijela's eyes went wide. Something had happened. "What's wrong with him? What's happening to Luka??" she asked, standing up. Gabriel touched her shoulder and motioned her to sit down again. He knew she needed to take this calmly.

She complied and sat back down. "Well, your husband…never really got over your deaths. It's been difficult for him. This, you already know…" said Peter as he continued speaking. Danijela only nodded softly in response. "What you don't know, Danijela…is that he's now more lost than ever. His life and work haven't been easy since you and the kids were gone. He's lost many pieces of his heart. He's in distress and we're afraid that if we don't help him something bad could happen to him. He's lost his way and his inner strength seems to be…gone. He is truly distraught…" said Peter

This time Danijela stood up and nobody told her to sit back down. "All the time we've been here all I've wanted was for Luka to be happy. To find solace, resignation and above all, love. He always was, and still is, the light of my life and the father of my children. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. We have to do something!" said Danijela. Peter stood up as well "We know Danijela, and we are planning to help him." "But how? How will we help him?" she asked. Gabriel took his turn to answer "The Committee of Supreme Angels got together a while back. We are planning a mission to help Luka. A very important mission that will ensure us success. Luka will be fine...we wont go wrong…" assured Gabriel, rubbing Danijela's shoulder lightly. "I don't know why this is happening. I'm scared, Gabriel." said Danijela "I can't let anything happen to him. We really have to do something. We can't abandon him" she said, almost proving that she hadn't really listened to Gabriel's words. "And we will help him.." said Gabriel patiently. "We are preparing a mission that can't fail. We will help him. It will be ok. Just have some faith."

Danijela sighed "I'm sorry. You are right. I do trust you and I should have faith. I'm just worried about him." she said. "We know you are, but don't worry. We are planning to send a member of this Celestial Community to help him. He is a very valuable member and if he agrees to the mission he'll be sent to earth, and he will have direct contact with Luka and what surrounds him. He will be able to help your husband that way." announced Peter. Danijela was surprised. A direct mission to earth? This didn't happen very often. She had heard of that kind of missions, but she had never been directly involved in one of them. "I haven't heard of missions to earth in a long time. Who are you sending to help Luka?" asked Danijela in obvious curiosity.

Peter looked at Gabriel, not expecting Danijela's question and not knowing if he could answer. Gabriel took the liberty to speak, which made Peter's discomfort fade. "Danijela, my dear. The situation Luka is in is very complicated. Not any angel can help him. We need someone that can connect to him. Someone that is willing to genuinely help him and someone who doesn't expect anything in return."

That did it for Danijela, she was now totally curious. "But who, Gabriel? Who are you planning to send?" she asked. Gabriel smiled and repeated four single words "His son, of course."

**Disclaimer: As I said before I don't know anything :P. I do wish I owned my own Luka…but that's another story :P. So please don't sue! If u did all u would get is Monopoly Dollars :P...which is all I have now :P**

**Please Read and Review!! I dedicate this chapter to all those who have read this story :D.**


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